Hello everybody.
This is a snippet of a chapter (seven to be exact). I got a lot of feedback from Critque Circle on the chapter and many said it came across as slow. What you think? This is the edited version.
*You may not understand Lilith's thought. If you don't, just ignore that bit.*
Luke strode over to his bed and tried to straighten out the wrinkles. “So, should we get started, then?”
“Okay,” Olivia said. “Let’s figure out what exactly we are researching. Water structure, right? Does anyone know anything already?”
Eddy shook his head. “I just know that water freezes at thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit, and the boiling point is two hundred and twelve degrees Fahrenheit.”
“Well, that’s a start,” Luke said. “We could do a comparison of boiling point and freezing point. Half the poster for boiling, half for freezing. And a separate worksheet with facts? Lilith and I can work on the boiling stuff. Right, Lil’?”
“Sure,” Lilith repeated. From the subtle glint in his eye, she knew Luke had something in mind. She tried to ignore it, still peeved about Luke’s lack of answers about the man, but she found herself wondering of the nature his look suggested.
It’s probably about my power. Surer of herself, she thought, yes, definitely my power.
“Good idea,” Olivia agreed. “Lilith, you get the poster supplies. Markers, tape, stuff like that. Okay?” Lilith nodded and Olivia rushed on. “It’s settled then. You all know what to do? Good. Oh, wait. What should I do?”
Lilith’s first impression of Olivia was that she was shy, but she now realized that she was wrong. Olivia was clearly the leader of their project. When Olivia asked what she should do, Lilith almost laughed, but she caught herself and said, “Can you be the organizer? And you could type stuff up for the poster.”
“Okay,” Olivia said. “Sure.”
They were silent for a moment, and then Luke spoke. “Let’s get started then. Olivia, you and Eddy can work on the sculpture––”
"Yeah," Eddy nodded. "I've got a couple of cool ideas that I hope will give it some style. Here…" He started rummaging around in his bag. “I have some sketches.”
"Slow down! Olivia, do you think you can keep him under control while Lilith and I will start with the research?” Luke said, chuckling.
“Sure.” Olivia said. “Eddy, let’s go to the kitchen.”
Eddy blushed and tried to explain. "It's just that I've been sort of thinking about it since art class today. And, uh..."
Luke laughed and bumped Eddy with his shoulder. “Go on, Picasso. We'll regroup at…” Luke glanced at his watch, “four? Is that enough time?”
“Sure. Don’t forget your backpack, Eddy.” Olivia said, and started out of the room. Eddy followed, shutting the door behind them.
This is a snippet of a chapter (seven to be exact). I got a lot of feedback from Critque Circle on the chapter and many said it came across as slow. What you think? This is the edited version.
*You may not understand Lilith's thought. If you don't, just ignore that bit.*
Luke strode over to his bed and tried to straighten out the wrinkles. “So, should we get started, then?”
“Okay,” Olivia said. “Let’s figure out what exactly we are researching. Water structure, right? Does anyone know anything already?”
Eddy shook his head. “I just know that water freezes at thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit, and the boiling point is two hundred and twelve degrees Fahrenheit.”
“Well, that’s a start,” Luke said. “We could do a comparison of boiling point and freezing point. Half the poster for boiling, half for freezing. And a separate worksheet with facts? Lilith and I can work on the boiling stuff. Right, Lil’?”
“Sure,” Lilith repeated. From the subtle glint in his eye, she knew Luke had something in mind. She tried to ignore it, still peeved about Luke’s lack of answers about the man, but she found herself wondering of the nature his look suggested.
It’s probably about my power. Surer of herself, she thought, yes, definitely my power.
“Good idea,” Olivia agreed. “Lilith, you get the poster supplies. Markers, tape, stuff like that. Okay?” Lilith nodded and Olivia rushed on. “It’s settled then. You all know what to do? Good. Oh, wait. What should I do?”
Lilith’s first impression of Olivia was that she was shy, but she now realized that she was wrong. Olivia was clearly the leader of their project. When Olivia asked what she should do, Lilith almost laughed, but she caught herself and said, “Can you be the organizer? And you could type stuff up for the poster.”
“Okay,” Olivia said. “Sure.”
They were silent for a moment, and then Luke spoke. “Let’s get started then. Olivia, you and Eddy can work on the sculpture––”
"Yeah," Eddy nodded. "I've got a couple of cool ideas that I hope will give it some style. Here…" He started rummaging around in his bag. “I have some sketches.”
"Slow down! Olivia, do you think you can keep him under control while Lilith and I will start with the research?” Luke said, chuckling.
“Sure.” Olivia said. “Eddy, let’s go to the kitchen.”
Eddy blushed and tried to explain. "It's just that I've been sort of thinking about it since art class today. And, uh..."
Luke laughed and bumped Eddy with his shoulder. “Go on, Picasso. We'll regroup at…” Luke glanced at his watch, “four? Is that enough time?”
“Sure. Don’t forget your backpack, Eddy.” Olivia said, and started out of the room. Eddy followed, shutting the door behind them.
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